But mostly, it is hard because most of us truly don't believe we are worthy of it. We have heard the story so many times in our head that this ONE STUPID THING trumps all else. This thing makes us unworthy.
When our washing machine floods our houses for the 3rd time in six months (yes this happened to me), we feel stupid for not having gotten rid of the dumb machine after the first time it overflowed. We pay the price of having to tear up flooring and throw out furniture that is too damaged and hassle for weeks and months with contractors and insurance companies. We feel dumb, we pay the price, but we do NOT feel unworthy of fixing the problem. We don't leave the warped wood floor and the mildewy chair and the smelly carpet because we feel that we were so very stupid to not have avoided the problem in the first place that we deserve living in a mess. No, we clean up the mess and buy a new washing machine and learn from our mistakes. Or, at least if we don't have the money to pay for all of the repairs, we do our best to fix it slowly over time, as we are able. But we forgive ourselves. We don't wallow in our stupidity and think that our mistake means that we are terrible people. We are just people who make mistakes.
We, as women, have been sitting in the mildewy chair feeling ashamed of our mistakes for far too long. We have continued to punish ourselves rather than fix the problem or at least release the guilt for far too long. I have been sitting in the mildewy chair in a combination of guilt and shame, punishing myself for not having replaced the washer.
One mistake (or three or a hundred!) doesn't require another. I am beginning my 2014 with a resolution to get out of the chair (literally and figuratively!) and stop punishing myself for my mistakes.
I am not on a quest to lose 40 pounds. In fact, I have no particular weight loss goal in 2014. What I want is to live a healthier life, a happier life. I want, on a day to day basis, to be happy and feel beautiful, no matter what the scale says.
So I am going to try a few things to see how they work towards the healthy happy life goal. I welcome you to join me on my journey.....
P.S. The pictures here were taken on my first morning walk. I dropped the kids at school and went to Fairchild Tropical Botanic Gardens and walked just for a half hour or so. I wish I had had my camera, but my phone captured at least some of the wonder that came from just exploring. Happy and Healthy... :-)